A few months ago, I was asked to participate in a Q/A with slutmeter.com (a fun and clever, ‘slut-positive’ website, where people submit their sluttiest stories, and readers can rate each story on a ‘slutmeter’). They did a lovely job of condensing, and editing my answers to fit their site, which you can read here.
However, as anyone who reads my blog can attest, my writing is rarely condensed.
Last year, I took a job as a phone sex operator on a whim. I’ve never worked in the sex industry before, and was drawn to the experience. Most people get into this business for the money, and to work from home. For me, it’s a project; a way to test myself, and learn more about human nature. It’s been a interesting, eye-opening year, filled with many unexpected moments–some hot and sexy, some not so much.
I set up Chloe Luv to share my experience with others, but also to push myself as a writer.
1. What do you think of the label, “slut,” and are you a slut?
I’ve always been more of a tease than a slut. I love the slow build of desire; the art of seduction and feminine sensuality.
I’m not big on labels, in general, especially when others try to put them on me, but it’s just a word.
If a girl feels empowered calling herself a slut, more power to her. If I get off on being called his little slut, while I beg to get pounded in the ass, yay for me,
as an insult directed at a woman (often by other women), who enjoys sex, has a strong sexual nature, or a perceived “too many lovers”…
Follow up question: If it were up to you, what is your definition (including good/bad connotation + differences with “tease”)?
Both slut and tease have negative stigmas attached to them. One viewed as not valuing your body enough (giving it too easily), and the other viewed as valuing your body too much (not giving it easily enough).
I like to think…
A slut takes control of their sexuality, and really enjoys sex–vigorously and often, but always on their own terms.
A tease feeds off desire. They use their body, words, and actions to increase lust. Like a great burlesque dancer, a tease plays the game of ‘tempt and withhold’, by presenting a gradual increase of sexual stimuli. A tease brings a man to the edge of sexual explosion, and keeps him on that precipice for as long as possible, without giving the ultimate prize (sexual satisfaction), or having him give up and quit the game. I consider “teasing” the ultimate push-pull, feminine, sexual game.
Again, I reject any judgement or label someone tries to put on me. I define myself, and believe others have the same right. If a person is not happy with their actions/life it is up to them to decide where the problem lies, and make changes if they choose.
2. Is your bed your office? What is your workspace?
I converted our spare bedroom into an “office.” It does have a bed, which I’ve spent countless hours rolling around fucking myself on, and a desk, where I keep a log of my calls, take notes, and write. My goal was to design the space like the inside of a sexy genie bottle–tapestry covered walls, heavy-soundproofing curtains, thick carpet, and lots of big floor pillows.
I also use low lighting, sexy music, and erotic art to help put me in the right mindset for phone sex.
and what is your schedule like?
I live a full life outside of this job and blog, so I only looked at companies which would allow me to work when I wanted. Sometimes, I go weeks without taking any calls.
3. Do you call customers “johns,” or is there an equivalent?
:) No, I call them clients or callers.
4. How is phone sex still a viable thing in the age of smartphones and web cams?
This was one of my first questions as well…
The difference between phone sex operators and cam girls is similar to the difference between reading a book and seeing a movie. With phone sex more is left to the callers imagination, and that can make it feel more real for them. You can read more about this in my first post, “The Business of Phone Sex,”
(We can use smartphones for our calls).
Do some customers only want to sext?
I don’t do a lot of sexting–most of my clients want to hear my voice. However, some PSOs make a considerable amount of money sexting (.25 each received text adds up quick).
5. What do you do if your phone gets messy, or you have other logistical challenges?
Do you/how do you hide this from customers?
I’m completely committed while I’m on a call, and usually the messier I get, the happier my caller. After a call ends, I log out and reset the scene.
Sometimes, outside life intrudes–I’ve had calls interrupted by friends/neighbors/UPS knocking on the door, tornado sirens going off, a huge fight between my cat and dog… I’ve broken my bedframe, dropped things, accidentally disconnected callers, and once, I came so hard I threw my phone against the wall and broke it, but so far–no complaints. :)
6. Before we go any further, what is your favorite ice cream?
This is the only preference question I would ever answer plain vanilla. Yummy!
7. Have you ever had an unsatisfied customer?
I don’t think so…
I’ve ended calls feeling like I screwed up–said the wrong thing, misread signals, verbally stumbled, stuttered, and blanked, but strangely, many of these callers have become my most loyal regulars.
Follow up Question: We’re super curious about what could lead to a call ending poorly (it never occurred to us it would be you who felt bad!). Could you share an example of this, perhaps with someone who became a regular as you mentioned?
I expected my callers to tell me upfront what they wanted, or to lead me through the call–they rarely do. Occasionally they’ll set the scene for me, but usually it’s a series of subtle clues–I guess, listen for responses, and do my best to deduce the callers fantasy.
There have been several times I’ve felt completely lost on what a caller wants from me.
A great example of this would be my caller Melvin, a sissy boy, who even now, after fifty or more calls, confuses the fuck out of me. He wants me to degrade him–facilitate and vividly describe other men degrading/raping him, but he calls me his therapist, and repeatedly asks me, “Is this normal?”
I’ve felt bad after ending calls where I’ve been asked to do something gross, or beyond my limits (kids, poop, blood).
I’ve heard many sad stories, a few suicide threats, and a lot of shame. All of these have left lingering negative feelings in me after the calls have ended.
8. Do you have female customers?
No. Female callers are rare in paid phone sex, as are straight male PSOs. I have had threesome phone sex with a caller and another PSO. Those are fun calls, and I’ve learned a lot from the more experienced phone sex operators.
9. Have you ever called a sex hotline?
Once, when I was 11, with my sister and her best friend. Lots of giggling, and telling bad jokes (Is your refrigerator running?), then we’d hang up and call a different girl. We got busted, and lectured when the phone bill arrived.
10. What other jobs have you had? Did you go to college?
I would die if I had to live a conventional 9 to 5 life…
In college I majored in psychology, and worked as a waitress/bartender (best real world education you can get). I spent a few years as a “working tourist”–moving to new places with the seasons. While living in New Orleans I took a job with a multifaceted music company. I worked for them, in a handful of different cities, doing lots of different types of jobs–everything from mundane office work and staff training–to more creative jobs like art tour guide, VIP/green room host, and backstage minion.
I have superb research skills and freelance these talents in an assortment of ways. Along with all of this, I make pretty decent money playing poker (mostly online).
11. What do your friends and family think of your job?
My husband is an amazing guy–strong, supportive, encouraging, and he knows me inside and out. Our relationship has always been sexually adventurous, so this project, in a lot of ways, is an extension of us. Never a dull moment. :)
I’ve told a few close friends who know me well enough to not be completely shocked (they know I like risk/excitement/change/weirdness). They were definitely surprised though, and it was fun to hear each of their reactions. At some point, I may have to talk to less open-minded family members about it (mom-in-law eek), if so–so be it. I’m not ashamed of who I am, or what I do.
12. What do/would you do for “take your daughter to work day”?
I hope I never have to figure out the right answer to this question; no daughters for me please!
In seriousness, many people in the sex industry, or living a kink lifestyle, have happy, healthy children. Protecting kids from inappropriate sexual activities/talk/behavior is usually a big priority for them. I grew up in an over-sexualized home, and have seen first hand the damage it can cause. I believe all parents should insure a safe, and age-appropriate, home for their children.
13. What did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be a lawyer, an investigative journalist, and a writer. Something about words bringing justice, or change, or new perspective, has always really inspired me.
14. What are some weird requests you get?
lol, where to begin?
I’ve peed in my bathtub with the phone to the stream, and walked around my house in high heels so a caller could hear. I’ve been asked to spank myself, read books, fuck my belly button, cry; role-played punishment scenes involving altars, and a sadistic priests, simulated every sex act (with genuine sound effects) imaginable, sang lullabies…
Each man’s needs are highly specific, and I’m always surprised by the different types of requests I get.
15. Have customers offer to fuck you in real life?
It’s common for a caller, especially a regular, to want to meet in real life–most want to fuck me, or marry me, but some just want to be my friend. It’s not something I would ever consider.
16. Is there a line you won’t cross?
As for fantasies I won’t participate in? Yes. I won’t role play with pedophiles (my first call), and I don’t do infantilism (can’t handle poop.) That’s about it, otherwise, I’m pretty open to do anything my callers ask of me.
17. What is your relationship with other sex-, love- or dating-based professionals?
(cam girls, escorts, sex workers, others?)
Other than a few crazy nights, and some fascinating conversations with strangers, I have never known, or talked to anyone in the sex industry (except strippers–I know a lot of those :) ). Through my twitter account @ChloeLuv_pso, I’ve learned a lot by following and interacting with many intelligent, beautiful people who work in the sex industry. Despite the widespread belief, “the majority of sex workers are oppressed and damaged,” I personally haven’t found this to be the case.
I recommend reading, Maggie McNeill—The Honest Courtesan, and Michael Whiteacre, among others, at TRPWL, for anyone curious about the inner workings, politics, and issues at play within the sex industry.
18. What do you think about the association between this type of work and a history of sexual abuse? What are your thoughts on this? If you comfortable sharing with us, were you ever abused?
I had an unusual childhood, which certainly impacted my views on sex and my body, but I was never physically, or sexually abused.
There have been “studies” showing a correlation between an abusive childhood, and working in the sex industry, but it doesn’t necessarily work both ways. In other words, if an individual is abused as a child, they may be more likely to enter the sex industry, but not all, or even most, sex industry workers were abused as children.
Personally, I’m highly skeptical of any study released on the sex industry–too many politics and moral policing involved. A lot of information the public hears on the sex industry is inaccurate, or unsubstantiated.
Sex industry worker’s voices are often drowned out by anti-sex industry activists. They flood the media/lawmakers with their propaganda; perpetuating the myth, “all sex workers are oppressed”. They petition governments to enact laws, which often endanger sex workers lives, under the guise of “saving” them from oppression. They use biased, flawed data, inflated trafficking statistics, correlate unrelated abusive statistics, ignore contrary evidence, and use one-sided case studies to continue to drive the narrative, “the sex industry is evil.” Sex workers are marginalized, and put more at risk with each misguided, unrealistic, poorly approached agenda/law anti-sex work activists push.
I am not an expert in this area, so again, I recommend checking out the above mentioned authors who are on the front line of this fight.
(It’s important to note–“sex industry” is an umbrella term. There are a lot of different types of jobs which fall under it, and a lot of different types of people who fill those jobs.)
19. Do you go by any names other than Chloe Luv?
I do. Chloe is not my real name, and it is also not my Phone Sex Operator name.
20. More importantly, does your pussy have a name?
No. I’ve never been one to name my body parts. :)
21. How can our readers call you? What are the phone center logistics for becoming a “regular;” operator guidelines; call waiting/voicemail and such?
It would be impossible for me to write as honestly, and uninhibited as I do if I were concerned about hurting feelings, destroying a fantasy, or disappointing my caller.
As for the ins-and-outs of the phone sex business, or becoming a PSO…
I wrote about my personal experience becoming a PSO (and answer your above questions) in my first few posts, beginning here– The Business of Phone Sex
I also recommend the PSO Boards forum website. You must sign up and be approved to join the forum, which allows for more relevant and intimate discussions than open-forum sites. The newbie section is filled with great advice from seasoned PSOs. It was an invaluable resource for me while doing research on the phone sex industry.
Sexyjobs.com is a good site for finding available jobs in the sex industry.
Follow up side note: We want to highlight some of the playful descriptions from question 5 and the like, so if you’d like to let us know what kind of toys/lube/etc. to make it more specific, we’re all ears. :)
In my opinion, Lelo makes the best vibrators, and Ben wa balls (called Luna beads) on the market. They use top quality materials and innovative designs unlike any other brand. They’re expensive, but worth every penny.
Sex toys are something you should never buy without researching the product first. The industry is poorly regulated, and as dirty at the bottom as can be imagined (toxic materials, faulty mechanics, used sold as new–yep, gross!). Be informed before you buy–Holistic Wisdom is a comprehensive website for sex toy reviews.
I use coconut oil for lubricant (organic and unrefined). It has mild anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-fungal properties, and can be used to prevent/treat yeast infections. It’s fantastic for anal play/sex, makes my pussy soft, and it smells/tastes good.
Any oil, or oil based lube, will degrade latex and rubber–They should never be used with condoms or low quality sex toys. Plus, oils are messy and trust me on this–they stain! I’ve also read some women can have problems with coconut oil clogging pores.
Best-bet otherwise… a water based lube, without glycerin (causes yeast infections). It won’t last as long as an oil, or silicone lube, but it doesn’t leave stains.
Anything else you’d like to share with us?
Life is short my lovely perverts! Don’t be afraid to take risks, and push yourself.
Kisses and Luv,