I wrote the following paragraph (and as a result, this post) in response to an interaction I had with a guy in his early twenties.  I was irritated by his disdain and lack of understanding, for the men who use my services as a phone sex operator. 

I know you’re out there playing the game, “Chasing the muff around,” girls always do what you want, when you want–your sexual and intimacy needs are met perfectly in real life.  I’m sure you’ve never felt shame while trying something new or kinky.  Your communication, and understanding of women is perfectly evolved.  I mean really, you probably get sooo much pussy, you don’t even have to jerk off anymore, and if you did, why would you spend money for masturbation material–there’s free internet porn!  Why would you need someone who listens intently, and eagerly plays along with your desires/perversions?  You don’t need someone who builds you up, helps you feel your fantasy more, is always good to you, and never judges you.  What advantage could there be, for you, to have a masturbation playmate?  So . . .

I understand how you can believe talking to me, couldn’t possibly be worth paying for. 

It’s difficult for some people to understand why a man would call a phone sex operator. They don’t see the need, or the benefit it gives to my callers–often it’s assumed men who call PSOs are pathetic or weak.  If you’re one of those people who are unable to comprehend why a man would call a PSO, maybe I can help.  It’s not what you think.  The needs of these men are complex, but not that different from your own.  The thing is, unlike your needs, theirs are not being met in real life.  I am trying to help them fulfill those needs.

My callers fall under one of three general categories: masturbation playmate, girlfriend seeker, and taboo/fetish.

Masturbation Playmate

Up And Cunning 1955

The gentlemen who call wanting a masturbation playmate are usually my shortest calls–the majority are drunk, late-night, sloppy, phone sex.  These callers are simply looking for release–to jerk off and cum to the sounds of a woman.  Honestly, it’s usually systematic and predictable:  I use my sexiest voice.  I describe what I’m wearing; how my body feels to touch, the state of my arousal.  I pay attention to their reactions, and build accordingly–lots of moaning, and simulating the sounds of sex with toys.  For these men, calling a phone sex operator is one step further than looking at pictures or watching videos; I’m real, interactive porn.  These calls are easy, fun, and quick–they almost always hang up right after they cum.  Wham-Bam–Thank You, Mam!

 Girlfriend Seeker

American Beauties

I think because one of my styles is intellectuals, I get a lot of older men seeking girlfriends.  These gentleman are looking for a connection; a woman they can talk to, and get to know.  Most of them call in the morning from work, a few in the evening, and some for a late night chat session.  These are longer calls, and nearly all of these guys become regulars.  I build real relationships with them.

Sometimes the relationship is built on a specific sexual fantasy.  In order for them to get off, there needs to be an intricately built back-story of who we are to each other, and with every call we get deeper into our story.  I go porn-star crazy for their gigantic cock–learning and using all their individual verbal sexual triggers, i.e., “Oh Tom, You make me sooo wet” or “Daaave, your cock is so BIG!”  It’s important throughout the detail-specific and kinky sexual experience, that I  express affection for them as a girlfriend would.

Another type of girlfriend seeker is the gentleman who wants to slowly and tenderly make love to me, while telling me how beautiful and special I am.  This caller wants to create scenes of romance and love with me.  In their fantasies we are lovers, but it can actually take several calls before it becomes sexual.  They want to get to know me–who I am, what I care about, my family, my hobbies. . . These are the loneliest men, and I really want to make them feel better about themselves–as any good girlfriend would.

My favorite type of girlfriend seeker is the gentlemen who wants to discuss various areas of my sexual history.  I’ve openly discussed my earliest experiences with masturbation, other women, how I felt (it felt) losing my virginity, my fantasies (theories about where they come from), and all kinds of personal sexual experiences.  Talking about these things is an exhilarating trip down memory lane.  Sharing my highly-guarded, private sexual experiences (with a stranger no less) and also knowing my gentleman caller enjoys hearing about them is liberating–a type of sexual therapy for me.

Taboo/Fetishsurprised (surprise)

A lot of gentlemen who call phone sex operators are into taboo sex, or have a sexual fetish.  It’s not difficult to understand why these men call PSOs.  Many have experienced ridicule for their sexual predilections.  It’s common for these men to be ashamed, and most of them have very little understanding of why they want or need these things.
This type of call is by far the most complex, thought provoking, and difficult to understand/explain of my phone sex experiences.  They can be extremely challenging calls for me, more than any other type, they have forced me to define, analyze, and clearly enforce my personal boundaries.   I have to be able to determine what I will, or will not participate in, and usually very quickly.  I have little personal experience with fetishes or extreme taboos (other than a few notable exceptions), so it’s difficult for me to navigate through the unfamiliar territory.  It’s not my place to judge these men, but it has been incredibly important learning to recognize my limits.
Taboo: sexual behavior that is viewed as unnatural, immoral, and forbidden.

010What one person considers taboo sex, others may not–anal sex, role-playing, and threesomes are not taboo for me, but they may be to a puritan or a prude.  There are however, certain things, that are always in the taboo-sex category.

The most common taboo sex calls I’ve had since becoming a PSO are men wanting to be dominated, humiliated, degraded, and/or disciplined by a woman–followed by age-play, CFNM, extreme role play, voyeur/exhibitionist, bi-male,  incest, BDSMtickle, and *rape*.  Sex taboos I will not participate in–kids, animals, and snuff.

*Honestly, I’m not sure how I will deal with this taboo when it comes up.  Although my own fantasies are filled with extreme rape scenarios, I control them, and they are only fantasies–I don’t really want to be raped.  If a man has this fantasy, is it indicative of something different than it is for a woman?

Fetish: an object or body part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual arousal or satisfaction.

For the most part, although unfamiliar to me, fetish calls are surprisingly easy.  It’s mostly fun and outrageous acting.  Usually, the hardest part is trying not to giggle at the absurd things that come out of my mouth, i.e., Cute Pair“I want you to cum in my pumps, Charlie” or “You like it when I curl both of my feet around your dick, don’t you Jim?”  

The most common sexual fetishes I’ve encountered as a PSO are feet (by far)–followed by stockings, shoes, and pee-related fantasies.  I’ve also had breasts, belly buttons, and lingerie fetish calls.  So far, the only fetishes I will not participate in are poop and diapers, but one thing I’ve learned, it’s a weird and kinky world out there–be prepared for anything!

I can’t tell you how these men developed their fetishes or desires for taboo sex.  I have theories of course, done research, read studies–but honestly these men are not usually interested in being psychoanalyzed by me.  My job is to give them what they want; play a part in their personal, private fantasies, and not judge them.  My personal goals (with all of my callers) is to learn from them, and the experiences they offer, and to help them if they need it and I am able.

One thing that has become very clear to me since becoming a PSO–nothing is ever as simple as it looks from the outside.  The men I talk to are the same men you work along side, or perhaps count as a family member.  Their reasons for calling a phone sex operator are based on different needs not being met in their real lives.  If calling a phone sex operator helps these men, or even lessens their need just a little, can you understand why it may be worth it to them to call me?  If not, then I ask — Who are you to judge?

Kisses and Luv,