The Pervert and the Professor- First Night as a Phone Sex Operator-

normal_pettygirlMy plan was to record my “call me” messages, and after approval, I would begin taking calls.  I really wanted to get the first call out of the way.  On some level, I still questioned whether or not, I was capable of being a phone sex operator.  I worried about giggling at the wrong moment, not being believable or my nerves getting to me (stage fright).  I knew, however, these were only nervous doubts of my abilities, and insecurities.

I only had one real fear going into this job. . .

…pedophile fantasies.

I had been reassured they were not common by other PSOs, but working for a no-taboo company meant it would be up to me to accept or reject any callers.  I was advised repeatedly, to quickly identify what a caller wants, (this can be difficult for a rookie).Look out Below (Easy Does It) 1956

A smart, experienced PSO, never has to worry about this–they are very good at anticipating callers needs.

I’m not talking about guys who want to be called daddy while fucking the 18 year old babysitter (fun!!).  I’m sure you will discover, if you read this blog, there are very few taboos I won’t do.  I like kinky sex, in fact, the kinkier the better (this is fantasy) but there is a depravity that crosses a line I don’t want to go anywhere near.

So, I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this…

Yep, my first call. . .

The Pervert.

The phone finally rang, my caller introduced himself as Peter, and my nerves kicked in.  It was awkward from the start, and took me two or three minutes to figure out he had a masturbation fantasy.  I remember thinking, “Okay, this is easy, just get him off,” but I struggled to figure out what my role was supposed to be.  

In retrospect, I should have been paying attention to the warning bells going off in my head. Being my first call, I was so concerned with everything else, I just didn’t catch it fast enough.  After the first 5 minutes, the call had become a public masturbation fantasy.  As he described the scene, I started to feel really uncomfortable.  Peter wanted me to play, a student on my way home from school; I stop along the way to watch a pervert masturbate.  I told him,  “I’m 18 years old; a woman,” and he agreed.  At first, it wasn’t too bad– all he wanted was for me to describe what I was seeing and feeling.  I calmed a little; blamed the fear on my nerves.

Then, he begins telling me things like,

“a little girl like you shouldn’t be seeing something like this”.

My skin started to crawl at this point, but I wasn’t processing it quickly enough for clear rational thought.  About 10 minutes into the call, he ased me to dial the operator for more time.  I had never used the three-way call feature on my new land-line phone, and the adrenaline was really pumping through me, making this easy task, oddly overwhelming.  As I tried to work it out, he kept talking. . .

and it just kept getting worse.

Sad_Pinup_by_Boann

He asked me if I was scared.

I said, “No, I’m grown woman, I’m fascinated and intrigued by what I see.”  He corrects me, “You’re not a woman.  You’re a little girl and you should be afraid.”

His tone and words were enough to make clear what he expected from me.

(I’m going to spare you most of the details–trust me you don’t want this in your head.)

My stomach dropped, and I started to panic.  I couldn’t locate the operator number, even though it was right in front of me.  I do not usually cry, but I came dangerously close to bursting into tears.  He was in the back ground getting off, and I just felt dirty and sad.

So I hung up on him–the one thing you’re never supposed to do in this business.

I sat in my office chair and stared at the computer screen.  I was completely creeped out, and my emotions were pretty fragile.  I am the type of person, when something gets to me, I need to get it out, break it down, and face it.  I wrote in my journal first, trying to process the experience and my reaction.  I felt horrible guilt and shame.  I roamed my house aimlessly until found my husband, and laid it all on him.  The worst part, in that moment, I really felt complicit in this pervert’s fantasy.  I felt guilty.  I should have seen it right away (or at least quicker than I did).  I felt dirty.

It was not a good moment.

Talking to my husband calmed me down, and allowed me to separate myself from the call.  If the phone hadn’t rang at that moment, or if I had remembered to log out after the first call, that may very well have been the end of my phone sex career.

I didn’t even consider not answering the phone.

One would think, after that first call and the mental breakdown I was going through, I wouldn’t answer.  I really can’t explain it.  The phone was in my hand and I remember thinking, “I have to answer it within two rings or I will be financially penalized”which was a ridiculous thought, considering it was a pittance compared to having Peter call back.  As the call was being connected, so was the thought that it could be the pervert again.  I almost hung up, but I’m so glad I didn’t.

The Professor

The professor started right away by asking me real questions; how long I’d been a PSO and why–things like that.  He put me at ease by talking about who I was (philosophically not literally), and then meaningless things for few minutes.  He asked me what I had for lunch and we discussed a particular type of apple I like.  Nothing perverted, just talking.  The Professor was articulate, smart, well educated, and had a nice, soothing voice.  I relaxed with him–started to enjoy the conversation.  He told me he had been calling PSOs for a long time.  He said he was impressed by my “call me” message–it sounded genuine.  In his vast experiences with PSOs, my message was in the top five he had heard.  Flattery and compliments work really well on me.  I felt confident enough to flat-out ask him what he wanted from me.Bettie Page  He laughed at my lack of subtlety, but then began to give me a picture, in a strangely non-sexual way, of his particular kink.  It was just the type of fantasy I needed, although not something with which I had any real experience.

The Professor described a man under a lot of pressure in his job; leading people, being the boss.  Immediately, I suspect he wants me to dominate him.  It’s an old cliche, right?  The nice part about the professor’s kink–it wasn’t really about degradation, but more about not having a choice.  In his fantasy, I was Mae West, direct and in control.  I gave orders.

The Professor coached me on how to say, “Take out your cock” and “Get on your knees” with a sense of entitlement in my tone.

I giggled a couple of times through the last 5 minutes.  He said he liked that too; it felt real to him.  At the end of our time the Professor asked if I would like him to call back, and give me some tips on the business.  I was eager for any help he would give.  I spent the time waiting for him to call back, looking over my notes, and mentally pulling it together.  I started dissecting what lessons I learned from the night.

I look for the good in everything, almost (definitely) to a fault.  

I was feeling more optimistic, and separating myself from the first caller.  When the professor called back 20 minutes later, I felt pretty grounded.  For the first 5 minutes I took notes, while he gave me some great advice.

The Professors Advice

Is this the right angle, professor  dunce1. Don’t play dumb

2. Know your boundaries 

3. Don’t allow bullies

4. Never be apologetic

5. Be myself

6. The answer is always Big Cocks (not true!)

The best compliment. . .

I got him off with our last 10 minutes.  I played Mae West, while he spoke German.  It was hot and sexy. Really fun!  My favorite part, came when he asked, “Chloe, what kind of cocks do you like?”  and I said, “ummm, hard ones, sir?”  He laughed and said, “Always say big.”  He had me screaming, “I love big cocks” and many other different variations of this sentiment.  

Even now I giggle when I think about it, and often scream it to break a nervous moment, before I take a call.  In a weird way, it gives me the backbone I need to rigidly enforce my boundaries.  The professor said he was going to call me back in a few weeks, and he couldn’t wait to see how much I had learned.

I can’t wait to scream,

I love big cocks” and thank him.

mae west cary grant

After the professor hung up, I logged out.  I was emotionally drained from only 45 minutes on the phone.  I needed time to find value in the night; absorb what was useful, and leave the rest behind.  The biggest thing I learned is how important it is to have a solid support system in place.  Talking things through when I struggle is so important.  Also crucial, is learning to separate myself from the madness of peoples’ perversions, and keeping a firm grip on the mental pressure of doing this job. There wasn’t much sexiness to my first night as a Phone Sex operator.  I’m grateful to have been forced to hear some of the ugly truths of this business right from the start.

Overall, my first night as a PSO gave me a stronger sense of self; an awesome gift in the big scheme of things.  I believe, if I go through life with out taking risks in my comfort zones, I will never grow as I should–I will never know who I really am, or what I am capable of achieving.  I’m going to keep pushing myself in complex and intense situations, because at the end of the day, knowing myself better is the result.

That makes it all worth while.

Kisses and Luv, 

Chloe

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  • Billy

    I find it interesting you make a point of saying “its fantasy” quite explicitly but then find some fantasies are out of bounds. This isn’t a criticism. I just find it interesting.

    • A fantasy can feel very real while role-playing it…I get into the character I’m playing. Not even in role play can I get into a sexual fantasy involving abusing children sexually.

  • Jenny

    That was a profound piece of writing. Very well written and truthful! Pleasure to have been able to read it.

    • Thank You! I’m happy you enjoyed reading it. :)
      (This is one of the best compliments I’ve received on my writing–it’s greatly appreciated.)

    • Thank you so much. I’m happy you enjoyed it. :)

  • Tyler

    Thank you for posting such a raw and emotional experience. I’ve also experienced that horrifying feeling of complicity in something sexual I didn’t agree with. I think the key is to remember everyone is responsible for their own morality, set clear boundaries, and carry on.

    Keep up the fantastic blogging. Cheers!