When my work phone rings……

there is a second of trepidation.  I yell out “I love big cocks,” and it works to chase the feeling away.  I answer; my voice triggers the computer to engage.  A strangely-sexy, computerized female voice tells me it’s my company calling, and to enter my code.  After I enter it, the voice states the receipt number for the call.  As I write the number in my log book, my hands are shaking a little.  I take one last deep breath to calm myself.  The operator then tells me the caller has paid for 15 minutes–the minimum, and has also prepaid a tip.  The computer connects the call.  Then silence…

. . . and this is where the shit gets weird

I give my sexiest hello. The caller begins to introduce himself, then explains he is having a problem with his girlfriend.  He has spent his evening calling different phone sex operators, to get their perspectives on his situation.  He complains, the other PSOs haven’t been able to help him.  I’m intrigued.  What could be so complex that he was stumping seasoned phone sex workers?  Being new to this profession, I find it difficult sometimes to tread that fine line between listening and absorbing what my caller is saying, and anticipating where he is going.  As he begins telling me his story, something feels off right away.  He tells me his girlfriend, Jenny, has made a new friend, Linda.  He doesn’t trust this woman and believes Linda is leading his girlfriend down a dangerous path.  Now he has started to question how well he knows his girlfriend.  I start interjecting with questions.  I’m trying to work out if he is seeking my advice, or setting up some sort of fantasy.  Instead of answering my questions, he’s repeating himself, but not moving the story forward.  Out of frustration I tell him, “I can’t help you, if I don’t know what the problem is.”

Silence. . .

 and then he says,

“How do you feel about Jews?

Cold Feed- Cold Front


not at all what I expected.

I tell him I am of Jewish descent.  I am respectful of their religion and culture, but I have never considered myself Jewish.  With my heritage though, I obviously don’t have a problem with Jews.

 We have another silent stand-off.

 I’m thinking about where this could potentially end up going, and I’m not sure how to react.  I break the silence by asking him how he feels about Jewish people.  He avoids the question, but finally continues his story . . .

Linda has been saying some strange things about Jews to his girlfriend Jenny.  I ask what kind of things Linda has been saying.  Again, he is evasive, and keeps repeating the phrase, “Strange things about Jews” over and over.  I almost giggle once, mostly out of nervousness, but also from the absurdity/weirdness of the call itself.  I have no idea where he is going with his story, and regardless of what I ask him, the picture isn’t getting any clearer.  Finally, he answers this question, “How does your girlfriend feel about Jews?”  He tells me Jenny doesn’t have a problem with Jews, but she has become very enamored with Linda.  Linda has told Jenny about some sick, “really, really sick” fantasies she has, and he’s worried because Jenny seems interested.  He says Jenny has admitted to him that she is getting aroused by some of Linda’s fantasies.

 My thoughts . . .

“Oh fuck, this is going to be some weird racist fantasy.”

Hard to Suit (Who Me?) 1952

Before I can even decide how I am going to handle the call, he starts talking again.  I’m left wondering, once again, what we are even talking about.

He’s just found out Jenny has attended some sort of meeting, far out in the country, with Linda.  I ask if he knows what happened at the meeting.  He says Jenny told him that Linda is a prominent member, of a group, that doesn’t like Jews.

I say, “They’re racists,” and

he says no. . .

“They don’t mind black and brown people,  just don’t like Jews.”

Hard to Suit 1951

Hmm. . .

okay, that’s odd, but the whole story is odd.  I’m really curious now; this has to be one of the strangest phone conversations I’ve ever had.  I’m interrupting his story with questions, and his answers are still missing something.  I ask again how he feels about Jews.  Again he replies, “I have no problems with Jews,  wouldn’t even know one if I saw one,” and tells me he believes Jenny when she says she also doesn’t have a problem with Jews. Throughout this exchange he is asking me the same questions repeatedly.  How does that make you feel?  Would you have gone to the meeting with Linda?  What would you do if you were in that situation?

I’m really struggling at this point to find out what exactly he wants from me.  So far, it’s really just a story, with me telling him how I feel about it.

No advice – No fantasy

I can look back on it now and see that on some level I knew something was up.  I’m new to the game, and just don’t have the skill or the comfort yet as a PSO, to put the puzzle pieces together.  

Around the ten minute mark, he asks me if I want to hear one of Linda’s fantasies.  For one second, I’m back to thinking this is going to be a sexual fantasy.  I say yes–how could I resist hearing where this was going to go?

Isn't This the Open Season?

It’s at this point, his story goes from confusing and bizarre, to down-right, off-the-rails nuts!  Apparently, Linda’s group is working on a plan to round up all the Jews, and put them into a modern day ‘work’ camp.  She then is going to create a reality television show, in which, two Jews are matched up in a fight to the death each week.

He asks me. . .

“Do you think America will watch it?”

On the Beam

 . . .What?!!!

My notes on our phone call are in front of me–I’m glancing through them, trying to figure out what I’m missing.  In the background I can hear a door open and close, and he says . . .

“Not one word of this story was true. I made it all up.  I’ll try to call you back sometime and tell you why I did it,”

and the line disconnects.

As I come back to the real world, and the true nature of the story is revealed, I smile at the obviousness of what he’s done. The pieces fall into place.  My bullshit detector, which is reasonably accurate in the real world, was never even triggered.  Sure., I was struggling with the purpose of the call.  I knew that I was missing something.  How could I have guessed that a man would spend so much money, just to tell me a crazy made-up story? Who does that?!  What does he get out of it?!

Kisses and Luv,